And now, a Survey of Pompous Tools

You know who I feel sorry for today?  No, not the Japanese.  MILLIONAIRES.  Apparently THEY'RE the real victims right now(sarcasm). According to a survey by Fidelity Investments of more than 1,000 millionaires, 42% of them, or more than two out of five, say they DON'T FEEL RICH. When the survey asked how much it would take to feel rich, the average came out to $7.5 MILLION.  So if you've only got$7 MILLION, you might as well start eating ramen noodles and driving around looking for used furniture. The average person in the survey was 56 years old and had an average of $3.5 MILLION. For the survey, people's wealth was based on their investable assets, not counting any real estate or retirement accounts. Sanjib Mirchandani is the president of National Financial, which is a unit of Fidelity.  He says, quote, "Every person in the survey is wealthy.  But they are still worried about outliving their assets. We wrote this letter in response.

Dear Douches,

While most of America is working two jobs to get by on a paycheck to paycheck basis, you feel the need to whine about how you don't feel rich even though you're not hurting by any means. We feel for you and I'm sure Bono is putting together a relief benefit concert in your honor as we speak. George Clooney will host. If anyone else out there reading this would like to help any of these poor millionares than call 1-800-KISSMYASS to donate or log on to www.gosuckanegg.com

Sincerely,

Everyone below upper class America