Gabe’s Top Things Space Aliens Would Say After Landing on Earth

Sammy Hagar told MTV that he had been visited by aliens who downloaded his thoughts. So what if they come back? Check out the Top Things Space Aliens Would Say After Landing on Earth.

--So let me get this straight: America ISN'T a post-apocalyptic wasteland . . . we just landed in Detroit?

--Take us to your leader. Or whatever you call Oprah.

--Hey, we just need to give a quick and easy anal probe. Can you point me to the nearest male rollerblader?

--We're here to bring Gary Busey home.

--From our planet, we can see Alec Baldwin without a telescope.

--This isn't Arizona, is it? I hear they're rough on aliens.

--Pssst. Who's "Steve Buscemi?" And why does everyone keep saying we look like him?

--That's how much gas is? Let's go, it's probably cheaper on Mars.

--I have it on good authority that, since we're aliens looking for work, we're supposed to just hang out in front of Home Depot.

--Seriously, guys. Stop blaming us every time some drunk farmer screws up his field with a tractor.

--Yes, we are real. But that doesn't mean Sammy Hagar ISN'T crazy.

--Any society that gave the universe that "Friday" song must be destroyed immediately.

--Congratulations. Of all the planets we've visited, yours is by far the chubbiest.

--This planet has intelligent life? Then explain the ratings for "Jersey Shore".

--We will disintegrate the next smart-ass earthling who asks us if we came from "Uranus."

--Where's this Kim Kardashian? Her moon was visible from our planet 10,000 light years away.

--Take us to your leader. We believe his name is Charlie Sheen.

--Wow, it's true. You idiots really DO pay seven bucks for a cup of coffee.

--We were going to visit AFTER you nuked yourselves into oblivion, but then we got Bieber Fever and decided we had to come now.