Prepare to not get laid

Maybe you think you're too cool to play Dungeons & Dragons, and that's fine: Deprive yourself of magic and wonderment just because you're insecure.

But thanks to a company called the Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, even if you won't play D&D, at least you can SMELL like you do. And that doesn't mean a mix of Cheetos, Mountain Dew Code Red, and Head and Shoulders.

Black Phoenix has released a new line of Dungeons & Dragons-inspired COLOGNES and PERFUMES.

For example, their cologne called Elf combines a pale golden musk, honeycomb, amber, violet, hawthorn bark, aspen leaf, forest lily, white moss, and a hint of wild berries.

The cologne called Fighter is scented like leather, musk, blood, and steel. The cologne called Halfling smells like porridge, kukui nuts, and PASTRY CRUMBS.

They even have colognes based on GOOD and EVIL. Good is a, quote, "shimmering celestial musk with vanilla, white honey, acacia, and sugar cane" . . . evil includes, quote, "smoldering opium tar, tobacco, green tea, and black plum."

A five-milliliter bottle goes for $17.50.