***WARNING*** THIS CAME FROM THE MIND OF GABE AND THEREFOR IT'S AWESOME BUT ALSO CRUDE AND KIDS SHOULDN'T READ IT, BUT NONE THE LESS AWESOME***WARNING***

Hearts, Stars, and Horseshoes, Clovers and....ah screw it. It St. Patty's Day folks and that means it's time to celebrate the fact that some dude got rid of some snakes from an island. We do this by getting completely wasted and puke on stuff. You also do a lot of things that, to the common man, you wish you hadn't. Here are the top things you don't want to hear on St. Patrick's Day.

In honor of Saint Patrick, I want you to drive the snake from my pants.
Hey, defenseless woman, my name's Ben Roethlisberger.  And you're not wearing green.
If you look past the buckle shoes and green tights, I'm just a genetic freak with a dangerously enlarged heart.
If you accuse me of having an Irish temper one more time, I'll smash this pint of Guinness across your forehead!
Of course I'll go home with you.  We've got to celebrate the fact that today, everyone's Irish.  Except my boyfriend.  He's black.
I hope you've got a lucky four-leaf clover with you.  Because chances are, you now have Chlamydia.
Don't worry:  The midget in Accounts Receivable LOVES it when you laugh about how you're after his pot of gold.
"Erin Go Bragh" is Gaelic for "You may be drunk and hideous, but I'm still going to make out with you in the middle of the bar."
No, it's not from drinking.  I always hurl after lousy sex.
Shhhh.  If you're quiet, you can hear my liver crying.
Look, it's a leprechaun!  KILL HIM!
Let's do it again.  But this time YOU pretend to be the girl.