Best Places in Shreveport for a Bachelor Party –- Gonzo’s Top Five
First things first, I’m not married. So I don’t understand the whole “June Wedding” thing. It seems popular - a lot of people tie the knot in June - but what makes it more popular than, say, September? The weather? That whole “can’t wear white after Labor Day” thing? The alignment of the planets? What is it? Can someone explain (that’s a rhetorical question, just in case you were getting ready to get all Wiki on me)? Point being, if you’ve been convinced that this marriage thing is a good idea, and the June wedding was part of the scam, your time is running out.
On the bright side, there is the bachelor party…
Not being married, I’ve never been the vic…uh, recipient…of a bachelor party. But I have been to a few. Some good, some bad, but all seemed to involve a certain amount of alcohol, female nudity, police intervention, and videos involving farm animals. OK, in all honesty, the farm animal videos only appeared at bachelor parties planned by a certain individual named Rick **** (note to self: NEVER go to another bachelor party planned by Rick ****), but you get the point. Same ol’, same ol’.
Now if I were planning a bachelor party…things would be different. Don’t get me wrong, I think that tattooed wumpty spinning around that pole is certainly deserving of a good portion of my paycheck. But the crew I hang with calls that particular activity “the weekend” - and a bachelor party should be different, right? So, let’s think outside the Champagne Room for my (drum roll, please...) Top 5 Places For A Bachelor Party In Shreveport (and vicinity):
#5 - THE VEGAS EXPERIENCE
Long before “The Hangover”, Vegas was apparently a popular bachelor party destination. Right. Like I’m going to be able to get eight or ten guys together for a trip to Vegas. Fortunately, here in Shreveport, you don’t have to invest an entire weekend (or buy a plane ticket) to get the budget version of a Vegas getaway. Shreveport-Bossier City’s five riverboat casinos and horseracing track at Harrah’s Louisiana Downs lend 24-hour party vibe to Louisiana's Other Side, where rodeo meets racetrack. Whether you’re looking for a game of blackjack, a round at the slot machines, world-class entertainment, or the perfect steak, these Shreveport-Bossier City casinos are a great way to send your friend the bachelor off on his new life of marital bliss. And since all the casinos are attached to hotels, score a couple of suites, and invite your “friends” from “those clubs” to join you for a little after hours party. Don’t look at me that way, some parts of the bachelor party are non-negotiable.
#4 - COOKING CLASS
Let’s face it, Mom's magic meatloaf won't always be there to fill your belly. And maybe – MAYBE – one in ten women know how to cook these days. Is your bachelor friend’s wife-to-be one of that 10%? Chances are, at some point in the very near future, he’s going to have to take separate ingredients, mash them together, and make it taste good. As a really good friend, would you prefer to treat him to one lousy night of the old-bump-and-grind, or help help him ditch his culinary crutch and learn to cook some Man meals. Meals that even Chuck Norris wouldn't mind putting an apron on for. Sure, the youtube video won’t be nearly as incriminating (or funny) - but even if the marriage is a bust, you’ve given a gift that lasts a lifetime (without the pesky itch).
Bossier Parish Community College - Culinary School
6220 East Texas Street
Bossier City, Louisiana 71111
#3 - PAINTBALL
Bachelor #1 is moments away from trading away his freedom. No more doing-what-he-wants-when he-wants. Now his life is all about responsibility to someone else. Maybe several someone elses (see #2 below). He's stressed out. He's nervous. He needs to relieve some tension. You could always go to the shooting range and pop off a few rounds, but that's just not the same as unloading a clip on a living, breathing target. But, that, my friend, is illegal in most states. Unless the clip is full of paintballs. All of the fun and the mess...none of the jail time.
For those with an adventurous spirit and competitive drive, nothing compares to the adrenaline-rush of taking on a horde of sharp-shooting opponents on a frenzied paintball field. It doesn’t matter how many shoot-‘em-up movies you’ve watched or videogames you’ve played: nothing prepares you for fighting through enemy terrain with a high-powered paintball gun.
So, round up the boys and prepare to play some grown-up Army. Avoid shooting the groom-to-be in the face. Bruises look bad in wedding photos. People will talk.
OFF LIMITS PAINTBALL
610 Robinson Road
Elm Grove, LA 71051
#2 - CHIMP HAVEN
I know what you’re saying. “CHIMP HAVEN?!?!?!?”? Bear with me here. Your buddy’s getting married right? I don’t know your friends, but I’m assuming it’s to a woman. Women want kids. It’s in their DNA. What better place to go to give the husband-to-be a little idea of what he’s got to look forward to? Little hairy creatures everywhere…screaming…jumping around…making a mess…throwing poop. It’s his last chance to change his mind. Be there for him.
#1 - ALLIGATOR HUNTING
We live in Louisiana. What are we known for? Well, other than drive-thru daiquiri stands and the worst education system in the country. Swamps, Bayous, and ALLIGATORS!!! Thanks to "Swamp People", if you talk to anyone in the “civilized” world, they think we spend our lives in the swamps wrasselin’ alligators, eatin’ snakes, and having sex with our sisters. Don’t look at me, I’m just the messenger. And your sister is hot, who am I to judge? In reality, how many people that you know have actually been eyeball-to-eyeball with a 10 foot gator? Not many, I’ll wager. Your buddy is getting ready to make that big jump into a world where he’ll probably never get to do anything dangerous (or fun) ever again. Dragging one of these holdovers from Jurassic Park into a 10-foot john boat will be something he’ll be telling the grandkids about when he’s eating applesauce and wearing diapers (again) – especially if that memory is laying on the floor in the den grinning at him.
24610 Edmund Drive
Plaquemine, LA 70764
You know...now that I think about it, that strip club thing seems like a pretty good idea...